the breakup

Breakups suck, plain and simple. I know how it feels like your heart weighs 10 million pounds at the bottom of your stomach. How everything that surrounds you reminds you of that person, and it feels like there is a rock lodged in your throat when you see them. They are hard, they hurt, and they are never fun. I would know because as I type this I am experiencing a breakup myself. And I know several of you may be experiencing the same thing, so hopefully I can shed some light on this not fun topic. I am extremely blessed and fortunate to say that I am still friends with the guy and the breakup went as well as it could have gone. I still think he is an amazing person and I still have a high amount of respect for him! That being said I have been through breakups where they weren’t so clean and easy, where I couldn’t possibly imagine being friends with the person. The difference between the two breakups is plain and simple. The presence of light, the light being Jesus.  You can go through a breakup with the curtains completely shut. You can turn off all the lights and try to figure it out yourself. I can tell you from experience you are going to run into a lot of stumbling blocks, you are going to trip, and it can be scary. But you can also decide to go through a breakup with the curtains open, and let that light shine in the room. Everything will make so much more sense, and you will be able to see whats in front of you so much more clearer. The choice is ultimately up to you! But if you choose to go through this and allow Jesus to completely take over during this time, I have come up with a few steps that have helped me and are still currently helping me. 

1.) WALLOW!! Lorelai Gilmore says it best, “Get back in your pajamas, go to bed, eat nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza.” I think this step is very crucial. Don’t bottle everything up, and know that it is okay to cry. It is okay to lay in bed for a day or two and just cry and eat and watch sad movies. But don’t let it last more than a week because then you are just not being productive. And there is life after a break up… trust me honey. 2.) Get Logical  Sometimes we fail to see what was truly wrong about the relationship because we were just so entangled in love and the butterflies, that we ignored all of the red flags. So ask yourself a few questions like, did I really see myself marrying that person? Was it a healthy relationship? Was I growing like I should have in that relationship? Take time to reflect on the relationship. When you take time to logically look at it and make sense of the breakup it is a little easier to accept what happened and be okay with it. 3.) Be Independent  This part is still hard for me. I absolutely dread doing things by myself!! But I’m learning that independence is a crucial part of life and just growing as an individual. I hate going to the grocery store by myself. I do not like to carry groceries in by myself or push a buggy around, and after the breakup I was honestly terrified to get groceries, (i know its the weirdest thing ever) but a few days later after my wallowing I faced my fear and I went to target and I got groceries! And in that moment I felt so much better because I proved that lie in my head wrong. So, what I would recommend whatever you are scared to do without someone else, go friggin do it man!!! Go be an independent woman or man! But please be smart about it don’t walk down a sketchy ally at 1am. Use common sense!! 4.) Build a Firm Identity Foundation This one I am still also working on but I am very passionate about it. I like to think of your identity as the foundation of a house. If your identity is strong and you know exactly who you are in Christ, I believe you cannot be shaken. So take this time to really learn about yourself and build and Identity that is unbreakable. Dive into the word and find verses about identity that tell you who you are. I would recommend writing them down on sticky notes and putting them on the mirror or on a wall, and then just speak them over yourself constantly.  A few examples are:

So those are my top four tips that have helped me during this time are are still continuing to help me. But a few additional things to remember, don’t seclude yourself! Hang out with friends and surround yourself with uplifting people who are going to pour truth and love into you. Jesus is the best comforter, no drink, drug, or physical action will ever replace the embrace of Jesus. It is okay to be friends with your ex! Sometimes we just work better as friends with people and that is perfectly fine. Love and good music are the best medicine. Create an awesome playlist with amazing worship music and uplifting songs, then go love on people. I know everything I said doesn’t take away the pain you may be feeling. Breakups are a process, so just go through the process, and watch yourself grow. It is going to be okay, and you are going to be okay. Jesus is holding on so tight to you and He has plans for you that you cannot even begin to comprehend. Jesus loves you and I love you. Now go be awesome. 

Grace  “But forget all that it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. The wild animals in the fields will thank me, that jackals and owls, too, for giving them water in the desert. Yes, I will make rivers in the dry wasteland so my chosen people can be refreshed. I have made Israel for myself, and they will someday honor me before the whole world.”  Isaiah 43: 18-21